Dealing with loss

Loss is an unavoidable part of being human. At some point, all of us will face the death of someone we love. Yet even though loss is universal, the experience of grief is profoundly personal. It can shake us, change us and alter the way we see ourselves and the world around us.

When we lose someone close to us, our world as we knew it changes. Our inner emotional life is altered, but also our social world including our roles, routines, and sense of belonging can change entirely.

We may find ourselves asking “who am I now, without this person?”

The Emotional Impact of Loss

In the days and weeks following a bereavement, many people experience exhaustion, loss of appetite, disrupted sleep, and sheer disbelief. It is common to feel numb or to catch yourself expecting your loved one to walk through the door. The mind takes time to absorb the unthinkable reality.

Grief has its own pace. There is no ‘right’ way or timeline for mourning. For some, the intensity begins to soften after a few months; for others, it takes years. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the person who has died but is about gradually finding ways to live with their absence, carrying them with us in a different way.

How Society Shapes Grief

None of us exist as individuals and how we mourn is deeply influenced by culture, religion, and the expectations of those around us. Sometimes, structured rituals such as funerals, mourning periods or prayers can provide a sense of support and community which is welcomed, however sometimes this can all feel too much. The stoicism and ‘stiff upper lip’ of some cultures can cause emotional restraint leaving us feeling as though we need to carry our grief alone. However, I have found that when grief is silenced, it’s power emerges in other ways and can cause symptoms such as anxiety, depression or physical ailments which can become even more detrimental than our original loss.

When Grief Gets Stuck

For some people, the natural process of mourning becomes stuck. This can happen for many reasons, for example because the pain feels too overwhelming to face, or because we were taught early in life to suppress emotion. Sometimes we may feel our grief doesn’t compare to others and we are unjust in having such strong reactions, or that our complex relationship with a lost loved one means we are not entitled to feel as we do.

When grief can’t be expressed or shared, it may linger as a deep sadness, numbness, or sense of disconnection from life. Distraction may sometimes serve us but can also invoke a delayed grief that surfaces years later.

Our early emotional experiences can shape how we cope with loss later in life. If we grew up in an environment where emotions were not acknowledged or comfort was unavailable, it can be harder to process grief as adults. We may have learned to retreat from painful feelings rather than face them.

How can Therapy help?

Therapy can offer a safe, consistent space to explore all of our emotions. Over time, understanding and expressing grief can allow us to feel more whole again.

Grieving is not about “getting over” someone. It is about finding a way to live with the loss by speaking about how we feel and rebuilding our lives in a way where we can keep the loved one with us in a new way. We can think about our guilt, our anger and our devastation openly to really understand how the loss is impacting us and think about what might be holding us back.

Allowing yourself to feel what you feel at your own pace is part of healing.

If you are struggling with the pain of loss, you don’t have to face it alone. Talking about your grief, even if you are not sure you can find the words, can be a powerful part of finding your way forward.

If you think therapy might help, please do email me at lucy@livebeyondtherapy.co.uk and I will respond as soon as possible to start our conversation.